Calling the Helm Gallery in Tacoma
Good Luck with your opening tomorrow night. FRT 1 is going to try and make it down.
Calling Robert Storr
I saw you last night in a documentary about Bruce Nauman. You are looking well.
Where is my hamburger?
FRT 2 the state of Michigan called and told me they love you… but get the hell out.
Have any mosquitoes bitten you anywhere you find it difficult to scratch? If so I recommend Vic’s vapo rub… or Bengay… Both of those medications work really well. Especially if applied in large quantities.
Olympic Sports for Team Fire Retard Ants
The FRTs would like to compete in the 2012 Olympics. We need to choose a sport and start training. We would prefer a sport that we can play while drinking heavily, but if there is no such sport available, we need a sport where we can at least drink lightly.
Also… We don’t necessarily need to win at the Olympics… we just need something we can qualify for, so we can get a free trip to wherever the Olympics are being help that year.
Also… neither of the FRTs like hot weather much, so if we can find an indoor and well air conditioned sport that would be awesome.
The Fire Retard Ants open letter to Costco
Dear Costco,
Last night the Fire Retard Ants ventured to the Costco in South Seattle to purchase a bag of fresh clams, so we could have a clam bake in FRT 2’s backyard.
We know that your institution has sold clams before, because I bought a couple pounds from you that time I got sick after a clam bake at our friend Adam’s house.
They are usually located in a little cart by the wine section, but this time there was just a table with a couple boxes of Clementine oranges.
Not having clams ruins a clam bake. We just thought you should know.
Regards,
The Fire Retard Ants
FRT 1 calling FRT2 – Desperite times call for ridiculous measures
FRT 2… DO YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING STUPID?
Weird things I’ve said during job interviews
When I was 17 I needed a summer job. So I applied for a job at the local Barnes & Noble.
The manager who was interviewing asked me what my biggest fear was.
My answer was that I was afraid that someone was going to kill me. I then proceeded to describe the various ways I could be murdered. I must have listed everything from being randomly stabbed to being set on fire while sleeping.
I did not get a second interview.
Fire Retard Ants 