Fire Retard Ants

Mom I want to go to Pizza Hut

Fire Retard Ant #1’s Letter to the Stranger that didn’t get printed.

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This was written for the Stranger’s Regrets issue, but unfortunately it didn’t make the cut.

Dear Mrs. Graves,

Thank you for allowing me to submit a regret for your Regrets issue of The Stranger. I have been thinking about what I should write as my regret. This challenge has forced me to think about all the stupid things I have done and said this past year. I would like to think of something funny to write, probably because I associate funny with memorable, but ironically when I hear a joke I usually can’t even remember the punchline (I wonder if this might be a problem with my intelligence, I should really get that checked out). It’s my belief that most artists my age, or at a similar point in their careers, regret things like not making enough work or saying something really stupid in front of a dealer or critic. I have these same regrets, but these are nothing a couple beers can’t fix.

When thinking about my regrets I should ask myself is there anything I should have done differently, or if presented with a similar opportunity would I do anything differently… I guess my answer would be “I don’t think I could”. I am socially and artistically retarded. So, at this point I would have to say that my regret is that I can’t think of a better regret (but this is subject to change… I’m probably going to regret sending this letter).

Regards,
FRT #1

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Written by fireretardant1

December 27, 2007 at 2:07 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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