Fire Retard Ants

Hey mother fucker,

Tell me you still only post in ARIAL?

psssssstttttttttt.

How about this boring format. It makes us look serious, like the guy that works at the morgue.

BLOG FORMAT WAR!

Here is a list of things you could be doing today, but for some reason you aren’t.

1) Campaign for the Emperor Penguin.

2) Discover a new color, hopefully one that doesn’t suck like all of the other colors.

3) Start a polka band that only plays Sex Pistol covers.

4) Invent a sex pistol… probably illegal.

5) Record yourself reading a Noam Chomsky book backwards, and then play the tape in reverse.

We are having our first ever Fire Retard Ant Back to school sale.

Up for grabs:

1) 2 sticks with string tied to them. Perfect for all of your stick and string needs. $1000.00
2) One open box of Milkman powdered milk originally purchased in 2007. $550.00

3) 5 stem cells individually packaged. $4.00

4) Coupon for a face tattoo. $60.00

5) Coupon for a face tattoo removal. $65.00

6) Stephen Hawking’s audio book A Brief History of My Tijuana Bender. $5.00

7) Three steak knives, very dull $33.00

Open bag of Cheezies. Opened by Alan Alda.

9) The Fire Retard Ant blog $700.00

Do not take expensive things apart unless you really know how to put it back together. Seriously.

We aren’t in Denver, but we know a couple people who live there.

also…We are leveraging for cabinet posts… so if you know anyone who can help us re-model our kitchens and bathrooms that would be excellent.

When you send FRT 2 back to Seattle can you make sure to give him lots of cookies to bring back here.